“Yet another way we can practice our Third Step decision is to continue with our recovery by working the remainder of the steps.”
I had to give up the idea, and surrender to the fact, that nothing I do in life will be perfect. My only option, having made in to the rooms, was to not use, and keep my feet moving in the solution.
It is the living in recovery that got me. Every decision caused grief due to me trying to over analyze and manipulate outcomes. I would spend hours upon hours mentally exhausting myself with scenarios of what could be, what might be, and want wouldn’t be. When I shared these things with my sponsor, or in the rooms, a quiet chuckle was an obvious sign that I was not alone. Even with that quiet acknowledgement there was something in me that made me felt less than. I believed that I should just operate like a “normal” person and that seemingly insignificant events in my life should not have such huge impacts on my emotional and spiritual wellbeing. The lies I was telling myself had to stop. That I had to be perfect, or that I had to be “normal”.
I had a hard time understanding why my sponsor kept asking me where I was in my steps, how many meetings I was hitting, what service work was I was doing, and how my prayer and meditation were. I realize now that a big part of the Third Step surrender was just forward progress. I had to separate my idea that the surrender was not only to my HP, but understand that it was also to my Higher Power’s care. That care had set me in the rooms of NA. As I nurtured that system, showed that it was valuable and necessary, my relationship with my HP grew as a result. The more I focused on my actions in the rooms, and my work in the program, the greater my faith in a loving Higher Power became.
Following the simple suggestions, participating in the institution where I found hope, and having faith that my Higher Power will guide me, was the care I so desperately needed. That care came about in many ways. Honest sharing, getting rides, and people showing concern for me. Other people practicing their Twelfth Step was the care of my God, and by making a decision to allow them in my life, it greatly improved.
The actions I take today in the rooms of NA are a reflection of my surrender to my Higher Power’s will for me. The way I care for others is an important part of me giving back that same concern that was shown to me. I care for this institution because it is my direct line to my Higher Power. The simple act of continuing the footwork of this program has given me a relationship that I cannot show my gratitude for enough.
Tony R. Indianapolis, IN